Wednesday, March 06, 2013
Sunday, January 01, 2012
Friday, November 03, 2006
As Much with Beauty as with Danger . . .
For MindyThis is an excerpt from the book Things as They Are by Paul Horgan. I was reading this book right before we moved from Louisville to Philadelphia. At that time our lives seemed filled with danger, uncertainty and fear of the unknown future. It was a timely word that Mr. Horgan imported to me. Not only were these paragraphs fraught with beautiful turns of phrase, they were run through with a frightening truth that I had to agree with. I had a choice to make. I could stand outside the lightning and quiver with fear or I could run out onto the dock and enjoy the spectacle. So I've chosen to stand out on the dock and take in the beauty of the Lord, even though at times I am scared to death of what He's going to show me next. I take comfort in the fact that even the patriarchs had to turn away at times; and that I can still behold his beauty hiding in the cleft of the rock.
Calling to me above the wind, my mother said, "Richard, look!" She shook me and pointed to the wild sky, the sweeps of rain on the lake, and then at the tearing strikes of lightning amidst the clouds. "Richard! Look! Why be afraid? It is so beautiful!"
She put her arm about my shoulders and when the lightning struck I could feel how she too trembled before the power of God. But how new was her idea as I stared at a world I had never been able to see before. I met an entirely fresh way to regard the thing that had terrorized my childhood. About to be convinced, I shouted, "But it's dangerous!"
"Of course it's dangerous," she replied. The wind tried to hollow out her words and sweep them away, but I heard her meaning even so. "There is something dangerous about all beauty, and it is still beautiful! I don't know what it is, but--"
We stood there and the thunder and lightning broke over us, here, and afar, and my vision cleared, and I knew that what she said was true. After the great gift of life itself, it was the finest gift she made me, this means of losing fear. In immediate terms, then, and afterward, any storm was charged, for me, as much with beauty as with danger.
Friday, January 27, 2006
Is That Enough to Live On?
Illyria: We cling to what is gone. Is there anything in this life but grief?
Wesley: There's love. There's hope . . . for some. There's hope that you'll find something worthy, that your life will lead you to some joy. That after everything, you can still be surprised.
Illyria: Is that enough? Is that enough to live on?
This is a quote from one of the last episodes of Angel: Season 5. It's one of my favorite quotes in the whole series. Illyria is a demon god who took the body of a woman, Fred, when he was raised from the dead to conquer that dimension, fulfilling an ancient prophecy. Wesley, the man who was in love with the former Fred, has chosen to watch over Illyria who is unpredictable and dangerous. Illyria does not understand human emotion, desire, or need; and one night (s)he goes to the rooftop and looks out over Los Angeles, and questions Wesley about humankind and their reasons for living in a world that constantly horrifies and wounds its citizens.
The past few years I related only too well to Illyria. I had felt that way for so long, I didn't even remember what hope felt like. And for a long time I didn't believe it was enough to live on. Some days I'm still not sure. But for the most part now, I have reclaimed hope for my very own. Christmas changed me. I saw the hand of God moving in our lives in ways we didn't deserve, and to extents I would never have dreamed of asking. We were with friends, which is something that seems to be happening less and less. And maybe it's the St. John's Wort talking, but I felt a quickening in my spirit that has been sustaining me for months.
God loves me. He loves my family. He is providing for us in ways that astound me, and leave me feeling sheepish when I see how lavishly he spends his wealth on us. He is answering our prayers, even the most trivial prayers we pray. He is providing everything for us, reminding us of the Israelites in the wilderness. We have so little financial resources right now. We have barely enough to pay our rent and our bills, with hardly enough left over for $75 worth of groceries and $25 worth of gas per week. That averages out to a little over a dollar per person per meal for the week. We are a family of three subsisting on less than some single people spend eating out in a week!
We are reminded of the wilderness because of the manna that God provided for his people. It was just enough for them to live on for one meal, and he promised to provide again. And they were forbidden to save any of it, or hoard it away for future meals, or depend on it as a source of security.
Right now, all we have is just enough to live on from week to week. We can't save anything, we have nothing extra for small luxuries of any kind. Actually, most of the time our needs are exceeding our income. And by needs, I am talking about things like diapers, tampons, gas, and food. One week we only had $35 for food, due to bigger bills than we expected. We couldn't buy any meat that week. We ate eggs, pancakes, tuna fish sandwiches, rice tacos, and matzo ball soup. We didn't eat well, but we ate. And the next week we thought was going to be the same. But when I calculated the amount in our account, for the tenth time, all of a sudden there was more money there than we expected. We were able to eat real meals this week. Meals with chicken and veggies. We may be eating manna most of the time, but we're eating it with a side of hope now. It tastes much better that way.
Wesley: There's love. There's hope . . . for some. There's hope that you'll find something worthy, that your life will lead you to some joy. That after everything, you can still be surprised.
Illyria: Is that enough? Is that enough to live on?
This is a quote from one of the last episodes of Angel: Season 5. It's one of my favorite quotes in the whole series. Illyria is a demon god who took the body of a woman, Fred, when he was raised from the dead to conquer that dimension, fulfilling an ancient prophecy. Wesley, the man who was in love with the former Fred, has chosen to watch over Illyria who is unpredictable and dangerous. Illyria does not understand human emotion, desire, or need; and one night (s)he goes to the rooftop and looks out over Los Angeles, and questions Wesley about humankind and their reasons for living in a world that constantly horrifies and wounds its citizens.
The past few years I related only too well to Illyria. I had felt that way for so long, I didn't even remember what hope felt like. And for a long time I didn't believe it was enough to live on. Some days I'm still not sure. But for the most part now, I have reclaimed hope for my very own. Christmas changed me. I saw the hand of God moving in our lives in ways we didn't deserve, and to extents I would never have dreamed of asking. We were with friends, which is something that seems to be happening less and less. And maybe it's the St. John's Wort talking, but I felt a quickening in my spirit that has been sustaining me for months.
God loves me. He loves my family. He is providing for us in ways that astound me, and leave me feeling sheepish when I see how lavishly he spends his wealth on us. He is answering our prayers, even the most trivial prayers we pray. He is providing everything for us, reminding us of the Israelites in the wilderness. We have so little financial resources right now. We have barely enough to pay our rent and our bills, with hardly enough left over for $75 worth of groceries and $25 worth of gas per week. That averages out to a little over a dollar per person per meal for the week. We are a family of three subsisting on less than some single people spend eating out in a week!
We are reminded of the wilderness because of the manna that God provided for his people. It was just enough for them to live on for one meal, and he promised to provide again. And they were forbidden to save any of it, or hoard it away for future meals, or depend on it as a source of security.
Right now, all we have is just enough to live on from week to week. We can't save anything, we have nothing extra for small luxuries of any kind. Actually, most of the time our needs are exceeding our income. And by needs, I am talking about things like diapers, tampons, gas, and food. One week we only had $35 for food, due to bigger bills than we expected. We couldn't buy any meat that week. We ate eggs, pancakes, tuna fish sandwiches, rice tacos, and matzo ball soup. We didn't eat well, but we ate. And the next week we thought was going to be the same. But when I calculated the amount in our account, for the tenth time, all of a sudden there was more money there than we expected. We were able to eat real meals this week. Meals with chicken and veggies. We may be eating manna most of the time, but we're eating it with a side of hope now. It tastes much better that way.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
I am Resolved . . .
I have discovered podcasts, and I am all aflutter. I used to lament because I never got the chance to listen to NPR and I felt like people smirked at me behind my back because I am so ill-informed and unaware of what makes the world tick right now. Now I can listen whenever I want to, thanks to the NPR podcasts! I'm only a bit more informed, since I only subscribe to Books, Movies, Religion, and All Songs Considered. I don't really care for the news. By "news" I mean the world news, like politics and suchlike. There's too much of it to digest and it feels terribly depressing and overwhelming. Even the commercials for the news are too much for me.
But I do know that Isobel Campbell from Belle & Sebastian just did an album with Mark Lanegan from Screaming Trees and there is a free download on her website, and it is an amazing song! I also know that Anne Rice became a Christian and has written a book about the life of Jesus that NPR thought was really terrible. I also learned that Tupperware was created and marketed by two people, and one of them was a woman who actually was the first woman to appear on the cover of a business news magazine. Not too bad for the Fifties! So I am learning stuff and it may come in handy someday, like when someone needs to know who kidnapped Patty Hearst or why the Dust Bowl became the Dust Bowl. I like random knowledge.
I've also been trying to listen to more Christian talk podcasts and more "sermons." I started to listen to alan creech who presents podcasts on the emerging church and community. I found the Buffy Buffcast, which is two guys going through all 7 seasons of Buffy and talking about each episode. I discovered that Lint Hatcher has a podcast. He was involved with the lovely Wonder magazine--dedicated to fantasy, sci-fi, horror movies and literature from a Christian worldview. I still have some of those old issues. It is now defunct.
I have also been listening to Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh Demoss. I wanted to hear some teaching from a woman's perspective. I like her a lot. She just started going through 2 Peter. A very good book for a new year. The phrase that struck me was from Chapter 1, verse 5, ". . . make every effort . . ." I stand convicted. I know I haven't been "making every effort" to add anything to my faith. I've been making every effort to make sure I record Bleak House off PBS since I'm watching #1 Single on another station at the same time. I make a lot of effort for other things and I know I should be putting forth more effort for things of a spiritual nature.
It's a new year. And I want this to be a good one. There are changes in the wind and I am anxiously awaiting them. So I accepted the challenge. I will read the Word and I will pray and I will make every effort to add to my faith all those things I should. Lately I've been adding a lot of other things to my faith; like laziness and whining and apathy, and cynicism and reluctance and resistance and the list could go on and on. I want this year to be marked by a spiritual growth spurt instead of being marked by trials and tribulations and unfulfilled wishes and broken dreams. In December I want to be able to look back on 2006 and be amazed at what God has done in me, instead of being ashamed at how lazy I've been.
But I do know that Isobel Campbell from Belle & Sebastian just did an album with Mark Lanegan from Screaming Trees and there is a free download on her website, and it is an amazing song! I also know that Anne Rice became a Christian and has written a book about the life of Jesus that NPR thought was really terrible. I also learned that Tupperware was created and marketed by two people, and one of them was a woman who actually was the first woman to appear on the cover of a business news magazine. Not too bad for the Fifties! So I am learning stuff and it may come in handy someday, like when someone needs to know who kidnapped Patty Hearst or why the Dust Bowl became the Dust Bowl. I like random knowledge.
I've also been trying to listen to more Christian talk podcasts and more "sermons." I started to listen to alan creech who presents podcasts on the emerging church and community. I found the Buffy Buffcast, which is two guys going through all 7 seasons of Buffy and talking about each episode. I discovered that Lint Hatcher has a podcast. He was involved with the lovely Wonder magazine--dedicated to fantasy, sci-fi, horror movies and literature from a Christian worldview. I still have some of those old issues. It is now defunct.
I have also been listening to Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh Demoss. I wanted to hear some teaching from a woman's perspective. I like her a lot. She just started going through 2 Peter. A very good book for a new year. The phrase that struck me was from Chapter 1, verse 5, ". . . make every effort . . ." I stand convicted. I know I haven't been "making every effort" to add anything to my faith. I've been making every effort to make sure I record Bleak House off PBS since I'm watching #1 Single on another station at the same time. I make a lot of effort for other things and I know I should be putting forth more effort for things of a spiritual nature.
It's a new year. And I want this to be a good one. There are changes in the wind and I am anxiously awaiting them. So I accepted the challenge. I will read the Word and I will pray and I will make every effort to add to my faith all those things I should. Lately I've been adding a lot of other things to my faith; like laziness and whining and apathy, and cynicism and reluctance and resistance and the list could go on and on. I want this year to be marked by a spiritual growth spurt instead of being marked by trials and tribulations and unfulfilled wishes and broken dreams. In December I want to be able to look back on 2006 and be amazed at what God has done in me, instead of being ashamed at how lazy I've been.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Sunday, August 14, 2005
As the Laundry Dries . . .
Right now I am in Kim's apartment, drying my laundry. Phoenix had another accident during her nap this afternoon which necessitated an emergency laundering operation. Just another one of the ways she tells us she knows who's running the show.
Last night was the first meeting of our book discussion group. Cindy, Kim and I met at Kim's apartment and discussed the first half of the book Chocolat by Joanne Harris. I was glad I hadn't seen the movie until I read the book. The book is fantastic! I highly recommend it. The movie version has the town mayor as one of the main characters, Reynaud. In the book, Reynaud is a priest, so you can imagine the show-downs between him and Vianne Rocher. Plus it adds a spiritual element that brings a ton of depth and controversy to the story. We had a lot of fun discussing the fasts and feasts of the springtime religious rituals, a.k.a. Shrove Tuesday, Ash Wednesday, Lent, and Easter. Which in turn brought up discussions of asceticism, temptation, judgment and compassion.
Oh yeah, we also ate panang chicken, and consumed copious amounts of chocolate delights. Kim introduced me to the fabulous french liqueur Grand Marnier, which was a pleasure to say the least. We are going to read another Joanne Harris book called Five Segments of the Orange, and then we will enjoy orange-flavored delicacies.
Kim and I went to Borders last night and checked out some books on Altered Books. I've been wanting to start altering books, but never got around to it in the last year and then Kim wanted to do it too, so I think we will proceed to alter some books. I even have the book ready. I found it at the Sylvia Center shelter over a year go. It's a collection of Francis Bacon's essays. Good fun!
Tonight at church Daniel was teaching on Matthew 2, all about Herod being outwitted by the Magi, and he was saying somewthing about the little Herod in all of us and I was nodding off to sleep and had a vision of a large foam cut-out of Herod. That's enough to snap you awake. Maybe this having church in the evening isn't working for me.
Last night was the first meeting of our book discussion group. Cindy, Kim and I met at Kim's apartment and discussed the first half of the book Chocolat by Joanne Harris. I was glad I hadn't seen the movie until I read the book. The book is fantastic! I highly recommend it. The movie version has the town mayor as one of the main characters, Reynaud. In the book, Reynaud is a priest, so you can imagine the show-downs between him and Vianne Rocher. Plus it adds a spiritual element that brings a ton of depth and controversy to the story. We had a lot of fun discussing the fasts and feasts of the springtime religious rituals, a.k.a. Shrove Tuesday, Ash Wednesday, Lent, and Easter. Which in turn brought up discussions of asceticism, temptation, judgment and compassion.
Oh yeah, we also ate panang chicken, and consumed copious amounts of chocolate delights. Kim introduced me to the fabulous french liqueur Grand Marnier, which was a pleasure to say the least. We are going to read another Joanne Harris book called Five Segments of the Orange, and then we will enjoy orange-flavored delicacies.
Kim and I went to Borders last night and checked out some books on Altered Books. I've been wanting to start altering books, but never got around to it in the last year and then Kim wanted to do it too, so I think we will proceed to alter some books. I even have the book ready. I found it at the Sylvia Center shelter over a year go. It's a collection of Francis Bacon's essays. Good fun!
Tonight at church Daniel was teaching on Matthew 2, all about Herod being outwitted by the Magi, and he was saying somewthing about the little Herod in all of us and I was nodding off to sleep and had a vision of a large foam cut-out of Herod. That's enough to snap you awake. Maybe this having church in the evening isn't working for me.
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