As the Laundry Dries . . .

Right now I am in Kim's apartment, drying my laundry. Phoenix had another accident during her nap this afternoon which necessitated an emergency laundering operation. Just another one of the ways she tells us she knows who's running the show.
Last night was the first meeting of our book discussion group. Cindy, Kim and I met at Kim's apartment and discussed the first half of the book Chocolat by Joanne Harris. I was glad I hadn't seen the movie until I read the book. The book is fantastic! I highly recommend it. The movie version has the town mayor as one of the main characters, Reynaud. In the book, Reynaud is a priest, so you can imagine the show-downs between him and Vianne Rocher. Plus it adds a spiritual element that brings a ton of depth and controversy to the story. We had a lot of fun discussing the fasts and feasts of the springtime religious rituals, a.k.a. Shrove Tuesday, Ash Wednesday, Lent, and Easter. Which in turn brought up discussions of asceticism, temptation, judgment and compassion.
Oh yeah, we also ate panang chicken, and consumed copious amounts of chocolate delights. Kim introduced me to the fabulous french liqueur Grand Marnier, which was a pleasure to say the least. We are going to read another Joanne Harris book called Five Segments of the Orange, and then we will enjoy orange-flavored delicacies.
Kim and I went to Borders last night and checked out some books on Altered Books. I've been wanting to start altering books, but never got around to it in the last year and then Kim wanted to do it too, so I think we will proceed to alter some books. I even have the book ready. I found it at the Sylvia Center shelter over a year go. It's a collection of Francis Bacon's essays. Good fun!
Tonight at church Daniel was teaching on Matthew 2, all about Herod being outwitted by the Magi, and he was saying somewthing about the little Herod in all of us and I was nodding off to sleep and had a vision of a large foam cut-out of Herod. That's enough to snap you awake. Maybe this having church in the evening isn't working for me.

I Have So Much Things To Say Right Now . . .

I don't even know where to begin. I have 25 minutes left before I have to go home and make dinner for my family. I'm at a library, not able to use one of my fingers due to a dish washing accident yesterday morning, so my typing is somewhat impaired.
Here's what is on my mind: God.
I have been so unfaithful and far away for so long and he insists on loving me and blessing me anyway. And I am trying to receive it all gracefully and gratefully. But I am so ashamed of myself for what C. S. Lewis wrote about in A Grief Observed. I will paraphrase: "It is not that I am in danger of ceasing to believe in God, it is that I will believe terrible things about Him." And I am guilty of that. Namely, I am guilty of believing that He does not love me as much as he says, and that in fact, he prefers most people over me, even when I am having a good day.
The truth is that I have just started seriously praying again in the last month. It is also true that I have just started reading the Bible seriously again in the last month. I used to balk at the advice people would give me about reading and praying, about how it could change you. I really do believe it again. Not just because my circumstances have changed, but because there is deep change in me happening.
I am actually confessing sin, sharing struggles, and praying with other women again. I am going to church regularly and actually enjoying it, looking forward to it. I am involved in a few Bible studies and enjoying them too. I am investing in new friendships in a new city and new church and being amazed every time I turn around that he would give me such amazing people to be a part of my life. I am so undeserving. But I am so thankful.
One strange answer to prayer. Since the miscarriage nearly three years ago, I hardly ever dream. I mean RARELY. I used to have the most vivid, bizarre dreams. Due to the grief I was experiencing, I stopped dreaming. It was like my intuitive subconscious just shut down. Not only was I mostly numb when I was awake, but I was mostly numb when I was asleep too.
Last month, when the Lord started a major work on my heart and I did a ton of confessing and repenting and praying, I asked the Lord to restore my dreams. And he did. In an incredible way. I dream almost every night, sometimes more than once, and I can mostly remember what I was dreaming about. Something in me was healed and released, in a really deep place, and the transformation is just beginning.